I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
