I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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