i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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