Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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