He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
