you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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