I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
