I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
