how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
