Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
