just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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