I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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