He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
