she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
