she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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