just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
