I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
