dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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