I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
