I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
