there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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