It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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