Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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