There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
