i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
