Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
