i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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