I'm going to jail i love you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
