So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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