He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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