if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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