you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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