Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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