My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize