Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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