I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
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Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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