And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
