You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
