god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize