Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
