I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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