i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
