oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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