It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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