You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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