Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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