U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
