I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We don't watch enough power rangers
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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