I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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