he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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