Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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