if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
