are you still at the devil's house?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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