Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
