be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize