3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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