WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
