I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Randomize
