I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
