I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I won the penis lottery.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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