I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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