hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just pee around me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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