i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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