At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
