She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
