I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
