i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
