Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He better not be in your backpack
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
