She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
