I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
