i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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