I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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