Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
