If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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